Wasted potential

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Wasted potential

Postby Nineborn » Tue Mar 12, 2019 11:54 pm

I feel like i wasted my potential. Ill be 32 soon. I got into drugs when i was a teen and really messed myself up and spent my early 20s recovering. Im a musician, and have been a damn good guitarist since i was like 9. Its what i was born to do, i was that person everyone knew. People would marvel at my abilities and be in awe.

I was really in touch with my true will for a long time. But for whatever reason i havent been able to succeed with it. I havent ever been in a real band, i got discouraged by some drama as a youth in a band i was in. Some jealous kid stole my best friend away and started a new band. And after that, i just never seemed to find any players that would stick with me. And i grew up in a place with virtually no music scene. I was too scared to move away to a better city.

And ive worked more or less menial (****) jobs my whole life, while i slave away on my recordings and my talent. Now im def getting older and i feel like I just have not been what i was supposed to be.

I should have been playing live, and giving my gift to the public.

Im filled with regret all the time. I know crowley once said that regret is useless and a psychological error. But how do i reconcile all of this?
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Corvinae » Wed Mar 13, 2019 3:58 am

How?
Love.

29.For I am divided for love's sake, for the chance of union.
Love is the Law.
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Hermitas » Wed Mar 13, 2019 8:53 am

But how do i reconcile all of this?


You find someplace to perform solo. Play on the sidewalk for change. Or you even try to put a band together.

"44. For pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, is every way perfect."

Can you find a place to play without "lusting" for a specific outcome? I think that's key.

But if you're not performing, you'll never meet the right people in the first place.

My two.
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Wed Mar 13, 2019 9:20 am

Let me see if I know how to say this. You cannot miss. You may think you are missing, but as long as you are doing - this is where you ought to be. Enflame thyself in prayer. Prayer may mean ancient, dusty rituals or it may mean play guitar every day for eight hours as your fingers learn to stop bleeding. No one knows the real method of opening your eyes and ears to your specific experience - but right here with you it has always been and will always be. Whatever it is that is truly your "Will" (as if "calling" fully understood Thelema), you've been doing all the stuff, just not always aware of really where it was leading. Even the years as a drug addict has informed you to who you are now and who you are intending to be (these things are never truly separate).

And yeah, the lust of result thing. Is it your will to play guitar, or your will to be a well paid rock star? How are you so sure of that? It seems far fetched to think that the will of so many others on this planet is an ingredient to attaining to one's self; I'd think that attaining to one's self would instead align with the will of so many others instead. So do that.
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Corvinae » Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:04 am

Thanks for this gem.

Its the difference between saying
God is on my side
Or
I am on Gods side.

Your perspective is always appreciated..
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:24 am

:?
Corvinae wrote:Thanks for this gem.

Its the difference between saying
God is on my side
Or
I am on Gods side.

Your perspective is always appreciated..


Side... side...
Everywhere a side...
Be this! Be that!
Won't you choose a side?

:alien:
"If we are to have Beauty and Love, whether in begetting children or works of art, or what not, we must have perfect freedom to act, without fear or shame or any falsity."
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Corvinae » Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:40 pm

Nike says
Just do it
:angel:
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Nineborn » Thu Mar 14, 2019 9:46 pm

These replies helped alot. Thank you guys, especially takamba that resonated with me. The whole lust of result thing is key i think.

Something else perhaps someone can chime in:

Does our true will stay the same throughout incarnations?

In other words, if I am at the core, someone whos will is to express myself musically...would this carry over into the next life?
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:54 am

Nineborn wrote:These replies helped alot. Thank you guys, especially takamba that resonated with me. The whole lust of result thing is key i think.

Something else perhaps someone can chime in:

Does our true will stay the same throughout incarnations?

In other words, if I am at the core, someone whos will is to express myself musically...would this carry over into the next life?


I guess the best I can say, and I'm only saying this as from myself, not as doctrine or any certainty, but the less I'm concerned with having to believe I've added it all up for my reasoning mind, the more likely I seem to be happy with where I am and what I am doing at any given moment. Maybe that's a worthy goal for others to attain to, or maybe I'm lost.

From my Theosophical days I will tell you that the karmic theory behind reincarnation is like the momentum of a coin being rolled across a table. Imagine that coin rolling on its own, momentum having been provided it by a previous action. Its direction and speed is the result of the karma (cause and effect) of that previous action. Now imagine that each individual plank that makes up that table is a single lifespan (incarnation). The table now represents all time, each plank a life of incarnation in a linear order (as if that is actually what time is, let's assume) and that coin's momentum and direction continues across each plank. Now, of course, in this metaphor there are a lot of details not mentioned and that's part of the point. Is that coin into guitars one lifetime, and then written tomes another lifetime, and then building helicopters in a next lifetime? Chances are, using the Theosophical concepts behind reincarnation, if the coin picked up a guitar in lifetime one, lifetime three has an interest of some level too, but not to say in lifetime one he was a mere affectionado, in lifetime two he became more involved, and in lifetime three he grew up to induct Jimmy Page into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. No, not like that. More like, in lifetime one he was into his guitar, in lifetime two he became interested in influencing minds, in lifetime three he created a war engine to grab the attention of more minds.

I doubt I'm making sense. The gist: what carries over from lifetime to lifetime is the energy of momentum, and a general direction. Not guitars.
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby seekinghga » Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:27 pm

Takamba wrote:I doubt I'm making sense. The gist: what carries over from lifetime to lifetime is the energy of momentum, and a general direction. Not guitars.

That's a great way of saying that, Takamba. Your replies in this thread are really good, if I may say so myself. Your coin metaphor reminds me of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPESpC9sR5M.

Crowley always said that attaining to the K&CotHGA is an extremely important (if not essential) step in exercising one's True Will effectively and harmoniously. Also, one can never go wrong abiding by AL I:44.
"And they that read the book and debated thereon passed into the desolate land of Barren Words. And they that sealed up the book into their blood were the chosen of Adonai, and the Thought of Adonai was a Word and a Deed; and they abode in the Land that the far-off travellers call Naught."
- LXV 5:59
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Nineborn » Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:04 pm

Takamba wrote:
Nineborn wrote:These replies helped alot. Thank you guys, especially takamba that resonated with me. The whole lust of result thing is key i think.

Something else perhaps someone can chime in:

Does our true will stay the same throughout incarnations?

In other words, if I am at the core, someone whos will is to express myself musically...would this carry over into the next life?


I guess the best I can say, and I'm only saying this as from myself, not as doctrine or any certainty, but the less I'm concerned with having to believe I've added it all up for my reasoning mind, the more likely I seem to be happy with where I am and what I am doing at any given moment. Maybe that's a worthy goal for others to attain to, or maybe I'm lost.

From my Theosophical days I will tell you that the karmic theory behind reincarnation is like the momentum of a coin being rolled across a table. Imagine that coin rolling on its own, momentum having been provided it by a previous action. Its direction and speed is the result of the karma (cause and effect) of that previous action. Now imagine that each individual plank that makes up that table is a single lifespan (incarnation). The table now represents all time, each plank a life of incarnation in a linear order (as if that is actually what time is, let's assume) and that coin's momentum and direction continues across each plank. Now, of course, in this metaphor there are a lot of details not mentioned and that's part of the point. Is that coin into guitars one lifetime, and then written tomes another lifetime, and then building helicopters in a next lifetime? Chances are, using the Theosophical concepts behind reincarnation, if the coin picked up a guitar in lifetime one, lifetime three has an interest of some level too, but not to say in lifetime one he was a mere affectionado, in lifetime two he became more involved, and in lifetime three he grew up to induct Jimmy Page into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. No, not like that. More like, in lifetime one he was into his guitar, in lifetime two he became interested in influencing minds, in lifetime three he created a war engine to grab the attention of more minds.

I doubt I'm making sense. The gist: what carries over from lifetime to lifetime is the energy of momentum, and a general direction. Not guitars.


So what if i want to succeed at some business venture, which i am not truly passionate about? This would be in order to give me more freedom to follow my will, by eliminating y need to be tied to a location and an employer. i want to be self employed, and have freedom to move and explore myself.

But there is a very clear desire for a result, which is self sufficiency and self reliance. How can i avoid lust of result, if I am not immersed in the work for the joy of it? Basically i am trying to succeed as a web developer doing contract projects for businesses. It would in theory, give me a higher income, and the freedom to travel around as i want, instead of working the lousy job i am right now, in a town i don't want to be in. Im stuck in the same dynamic of circumstances i have been practically my whole life. I want to transcend these circumstances and be able to be more truly what i am at the core. I cant possibly see the virtue in being stuck in a bland job with ungrateful people, using up my life force and doing nothing that comes from the true depths of my soul. So i want to gain more freedom.

Can i achieve this goal, when so much of Thelema contradicts this sort of striving? Goals are unnatural, delivered from lust of result etc. If i not doing it for the pure joy of it, without thought, then am i wasting my forces?
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Corvinae » Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:16 pm

Takamba wrote:
Nineborn wrote:These replies helped alot. Thank you guys, especially takamba that resonated with me. The whole lust of result thing is key i think.

Something else perhaps someone can chime in:

Does our true will stay the same throughout incarnations?

In other words, if I am at the core, someone whos will is to express myself musically...would this carry over into the next life?


I guess the best I can say, and I'm only saying this as from myself, not as doctrine or any certainty, but the less I'm concerned with having to believe I've added it all up for my reasoning mind, the more likely I seem to be happy with where I am and what I am doing at any given moment. Maybe that's a worthy goal for others to attain to, or maybe I'm lost.

From my Theosophical days I will tell you that the karmic theory behind reincarnation is like the momentum of a coin being rolled across a table. Imagine that coin rolling on its own, momentum having been provided it by a previous action. Its direction and speed is the result of the karma (cause and effect) of that previous action. Now imagine that each individual plank that makes up that table is a single lifespan (incarnation). The table now represents all time, each plank a life of incarnation in a linear order (as if that is actually what time is, let's assume) and that coin's momentum and direction continues across each plank. Now, of course, in this metaphor there are a lot of details not mentioned and that's part of the point. Is that coin into guitars one lifetime, and then written tomes another lifetime, and then building helicopters in a next lifetime? Chances are, using the Theosophical concepts behind reincarnation, if the coin picked up a guitar in lifetime one, lifetime three has an interest of some level too, but not to say in lifetime one he was a mere affectionado, in lifetime two he became more involved, and in lifetime three he grew up to induct Jimmy Page into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. No, not like that. More like, in lifetime one he was into his guitar, in lifetime two he became interested in influencing minds, in lifetime three he created a war engine to grab the attention of more minds.

I doubt I'm making sense. The gist: what carries over from lifetime to lifetime is the energy of momentum, and a general direction. Not guitars.

Takamba

Thank you for this

My mind runs amuck
And desires to unstuck
All the numers that dont add up

Its hard for me
To stop and see
The forest for the tree

You never fail
To stop my wail
And pay my bail
From my minds enternal jail

Your not lost
Youve paid the cost
And have Gnosis
Deeper the Faust

;)
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:53 pm

Nineborn wrote:So what if i want to succeed at some business venture, which i am not truly passionate about? This would be in order to give me more freedom to follow my will, by eliminating y need to be tied to a location and an employer. i want to be self employed, and have freedom to move and explore myself.

But there is a very clear desire for a result, which is self sufficiency and self reliance. How can i avoid lust of result, if I am not immersed in the work for the joy of it? Basically i am trying to succeed as a web developer doing contract projects for businesses. It would in theory, give me a higher income, and the freedom to travel around as i want, instead of working the lousy job i am right now, in a town i don't want to be in. Im stuck in the same dynamic of circumstances i have been practically my whole life. I want to transcend these circumstances and be able to be more truly what i am at the core. I cant possibly see the virtue in being stuck in a bland job with ungrateful people, using up my life force and doing nothing that comes from the true depths of my soul. So i want to gain more freedom.

Can i achieve this goal, when so much of Thelema contradicts this sort of striving? Goals are unnatural, delivered from lust of result etc. If i not doing it for the pure joy of it, without thought, then am i wasting my forces?


That's a very good question and I get to use my own life's example. I too had a job I wasn't exactly passionate about. I was a dishwasher. But I went to work every day (night really) with the ambition that I was going there to earn money for my eventual goal, a self-sustaining business, and as a writer. I was funding my habits of writing and magicking and rocking and rolling. :) Then I got to know the chef. Why not? He was in charge! And I want to learn to be in charge (this is 30 years ago mind you), and he greatly appreciated my style and ethic - so it was all well done and in proper proportions. Then I was introduced to a woman who was in charge of another kind of job. She loved me! (I was her only son's new bud). Then I got a job in data entry. Then a job from there to Gallup (a large research organization if you don't know). I learned a lot of things in these jobs, and I also worked part-time during Gallup's role as a prep cook. Then I finally went to college. Then I found so many other things to learn. And I worked in the library, I worked in fundraising, I worked a job selling office equipment for 5 years getting to know small and medium business owners and their needs.

By the time i was ready to actually begin my own internet career, my writing for true, my book mongering, my hopping from place to place, I had learned all the tasks first.

And that's what I kept figuring out - I wasn't just earning myself money to support the habits, I was learning all the tasks first. And when I did finally set out, following an ancient family tradition of starting out on your own and creating your own job, I had the methods down pat! Thank the gods for that!

So.... as you see.... I never never never lost the path. I simply had to keep reminding myself from time to time. And oh, when I handed in my two weeks notice to my supervisor at the office equipment place, and I asked if this was a disappointment or let down to him in anyway (always the team player to the end I am) and if he needed me to change the plan at all, he laughed and patted my shoulder joyously and said, "Absolutely not! This is all you ever talked about wanting. You said it all the time, this is your plan."

So, lesson. Do what thou wilt. Do that and nothing else. None will say nay.
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:59 pm

seekinghga wrote:
Takamba wrote:I doubt I'm making sense. The gist: what carries over from lifetime to lifetime is the energy of momentum, and a general direction. Not guitars.

That's a great way of saying that, Takamba. Your replies in this thread are really good, if I may say so myself. Your coin metaphor reminds me of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPESpC9sR5M.

Crowley always said that attaining to the K&CotHGA is an extremely important (if not essential) step in exercising one's True Will effectively and harmoniously. Also, one can never go wrong abiding by AL I:44.


And your song, for reasons, reminds me of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlfeyeMFiYA
"If we are to have Beauty and Love, whether in begetting children or works of art, or what not, we must have perfect freedom to act, without fear or shame or any falsity."
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby seekinghga » Fri Mar 15, 2019 3:17 pm

Takamba wrote:And your song, for reasons, reminds me of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlfeyeMFiYA

Wow! Good call, man. Now, who copied who? Harrison has The Chiffons debacle...
"And they that read the book and debated thereon passed into the desolate land of Barren Words. And they that sealed up the book into their blood were the chosen of Adonai, and the Thought of Adonai was a Word and a Deed; and they abode in the Land that the far-off travellers call Naught."
- LXV 5:59
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Corvinae » Fri Mar 15, 2019 4:00 pm

For reasons.....

John and Yoko....thats beautiful

Do What Thou Wilt...

Like a BlackBird singing in the dead of night
My fav. Beatles song
https://youtu.be/Man4Xw8Xypo
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Corvinae » Sat Mar 16, 2019 4:59 am

Takamba

I was thinking about what you said
"A war engine"

I didnt know what that was or what it meant.

Most of the time, it is thought that military things are for offenses plays. To take...to beat.....to invade and such go forth action.
But you clarified that by saying to grab the minds.
Thats a distinction of mastery.
Of True Will.
For a war engine is a defensive
It makes one unduckablewith

Its not about creating a system of power to enslave but to bring freedom.
And true will is freedom

Thanks for sharing your insight
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby seekinghga » Sat Mar 16, 2019 5:25 am

Corvinae wrote:Thats a distinction of mastery.
Of True Will.
...
Its not about creating a system of power to enslave but to bring freedom.
And true will is freedom

It is a hallmark of Adepthood that it does not lead by coercion or manipulation, nor by excess of pride or putting up barriers or destruction. It leads by shining example, whose light is absolute freedom. Amen.
"And they that read the book and debated thereon passed into the desolate land of Barren Words. And they that sealed up the book into their blood were the chosen of Adonai, and the Thought of Adonai was a Word and a Deed; and they abode in the Land that the far-off travellers call Naught."
- LXV 5:59
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Sat Mar 16, 2019 6:41 am

Yes, the True Will of the "guitarist" is to sing the song of Freedom and write it in the sky, not the promises (lust of result) of fame, fortune, women, drugs, and rampant celebration. Those are the "powers" that come up the tree, not the goals themselves.

Freedom!
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:16 am

seekinghga wrote:
Takamba wrote:And your song, for reasons, reminds me of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlfeyeMFiYA

Wow! Good call, man. Now, who copied who? Harrison has The Chiffons debacle...


We may never know.
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby seekinghga » Wed Mar 20, 2019 11:31 am

Takamba wrote:Yes, the True Will of the "guitarist" is to sing the song of Freedom and write it in the sky, not the promises (lust of result) of fame, fortune, women, drugs, and rampant celebration. Those are the "powers" that come up the tree, not the goals themselves.

Nice. :D "If Will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, then Will stops & does nought. If Power asks why, then is Power weakness." If you can't, if it is not your True Will, the Universe will let you know. Be sure of that!

Freedom!

Easy there, William Wallace. This is a discussion forum, not Clancy's Pool Hall...
"And they that read the book and debated thereon passed into the desolate land of Barren Words. And they that sealed up the book into their blood were the chosen of Adonai, and the Thought of Adonai was a Word and a Deed; and they abode in the Land that the far-off travellers call Naught."
- LXV 5:59
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Takamba » Wed Mar 20, 2019 3:24 pm

Is anything wasted in the Universe?
"If we are to have Beauty and Love, whether in begetting children or works of art, or what not, we must have perfect freedom to act, without fear or shame or any falsity."
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby seekinghga » Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:52 pm

Takamba wrote:Is anything wasted in the Universe?

Excess, my dear boy. Excess. ;) Of course, such is only capable within the realm of mind.
"And they that read the book and debated thereon passed into the desolate land of Barren Words. And they that sealed up the book into their blood were the chosen of Adonai, and the Thought of Adonai was a Word and a Deed; and they abode in the Land that the far-off travellers call Naught."
- LXV 5:59
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Re: Wasted potential

Postby Corvinae » Thu Mar 21, 2019 2:28 am

Takamba wrote:Is anything wasted in the Universe?


Not one micro/macro

https://youtu.be/Ij99dud8-0A

The Universe is the ultimate in recycling reuse reduce of itself.
Not even the empty space between atoms is wasted.

Great Guitar in this one
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